Photograph Smile
by Jen-07
Summary: Trip reminisces about his lost love. Tu/S


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(The song I used is called Photograph Smile by Julian Lennon.) :)

It still hurts to think about. It had all happened so fast. I didn't want to believe it at first, but it soon hit me that there was no longer any point in holding onto my fantasies that she'd come back. One moment she was here, with me; smiling, laughing... Oh God, how I miss that smile. Why? Why did this have to happen? We had _just _started. How could God be so cruel?

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There's a light on that covers the blue  
and I want to be closer to you

It seems like only yesterday I suddenly realized how much I loved her. She'd walked into engineering to deliver something I had asked to be translated, and when I looked up... there she was; smiling at me. God, that smile... I'll never be able to get it out of my mind. It was so beautiful. It was perfect... just like her.

  
_And she's smiling and waving goodbye,  
who'd've thought that I'd ever ask why?_

It started out very slowly. We'd get together whenever we could just to talk. It was like listening to an angel. She once told me a story about how when she was a little girl, she had saved up all the loose change left around her family's villa for an ice cream cone. It sounds strange, but she told me that nothing tasted better than Rocky Road ice cream when it was bought with your own money.  
  
_And she's waving goodbye with that photograph smile,  
under the heavenly blue,_

Once she had saved up enough money, she'd ran down the street as fast as her little legs could carry her. She told me I could probably never understand how good it felt to be able to order that ice cream. Her mouth watered as she watched the man behind the counter put together her order. After only one lick, she was in heaven. And just as she had walked through the doors to enjoy her prize... she tripped. All of her hard earned work had literally been buried in dirt, and she began to cry. 

  
_I'm never gonna be closer again,  
I'll never know,  
I'll never feel you, ever again._  


A stranger nearby had seen what had happened, and offered to buy her a new one. She'd accepted, but told me that it was nowhere near as perfect as the one she'd purchased herself. You know something, I never really understood why she told me that story. I assume she just wanted me to know that she could be strong on her own. She _was_ strong. She may not have looked the part, but she was, stronger than anyone I'd ever met in my entire life.

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And I wait sitting here by the phone,  
with the hope that your heart isn't stone

Day after day after day she kept me intrigued with the mysteries of her soul. How could someone be so smart and so well liked, yet remain such a paradox? She was so... unique, and that's what I appreciated most about her. That's why I loved her, and that's why the pain had stung so deep when she left.

  
_And I wish that you'd call me and cry,  
so I'd know how you feel deep inside._  


Together we shared everything. There were no secrets or lies. We were just starting out when it happened. It just didn't make sense... why _her? _Why not me, or someone else? Our last day together was just like every other, except... I could feel something was different. I _knew _something bad was going to happen, yet I let her go down to that planet in the middle of a _war. _What was I smoking?! I mean, this is the woman I loved with my whole heart and soul; my entire _being_...and I let her die.

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And she's waving goodbye with that photograph smile,  
under the heavenly blue,

She had insisted that she could do some good down there. She convinced me that she could help, and that everything would be all right, but I knew. I _knew _it wouldn't be, and I still let her leave my side. I never could say no to that smile.

  
_I'm never gonna be closer again.  
I'll never know,  
I'll never feel you, ever again._

As I saw Jon slowly make his way through the doors of the bridge and over to where I was standing, my heart sank into my stomach. Something had gone wrong, and Hoshi... she was gone. I just... knew. He tried to explain to me that she sacrificed herself for the greater good; that without her death, the neighbouring countries at war would've had no reason to negotiate, and draw up their new piece treaty. None of this mattered to me of course. My one true love was gone... how could I possibly continue without her?  
  
_Heavenly voice won't you guide me,  
help me I'm falling too deep._  


I just keep picturing her telling me that story. It's my most cherished memory of her; the way she opened up to me like that. Maybe... maybe she told it to me so I would understand that once she was gone, she'd be all right. She could take care of herself, and if she couldn't... then she'd find someone to help her so I'd never be worried. 

  
_And she's waving goodbye with that photograph smile,  
I'm still in love with that photograph smile,_

I wish on my _life _that I could go back in time and change what happened. God only knows how much I miss her, even now; even after all this time had passed. No one could take away the memories we shared together, and no one could ever replace them. I know that one day I'll be able to see her again. It's the only thing that kept me going all this time.

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Please don't deny me,   
I've waited so long,   
waited so long,

I'll be there soon. I can feel it. I can already picture her standing there, waiting for me to arrive. After all this time... after _all_ these years, and she's still the only one I think about. I can't wait to see her again. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I missed her. I want to be able to make love to her, and hear her voice one again. But mostly... mostly, I just want to see her smile. I know that when I do, I'll fall in love with her all over again; and I can't wait.

  
_I want to feel you, feel you again_...


End file.
